A satirical look at the latest Roy Cooper modified martial law order

By Bill Crawford

Pittsboro, NC – In keeping with the new Cooper Modified Martial Law order asking you to not come out between 10 am and 5 pm, a few things we should try and follow:

Remember that as all restaurants, bars and retail that still must close by 10pm; keep in mind that since curfew starts at that time, if you stayed until close you are no longer allowed on the road, stay in your car. Employees who have closing tasks and must leave even later should find a way to sleep at work and come out only after 5 am.

Restaurants and bars must stop serving alcohol by 9 pm, because bar drinks between 9 and 10pm are clearly a greater carrier of COVID than earlier. We must follow the facts and the science on this.

Some may claim this meme is based on science.

A few other suggestions:

Given that we are all being forced indoors during curfew and facts and science show us that this is a more conducive environment for transmission than outdoors, we should stop using any heat, to remove the circulation issues. Those of you who don’t find that blanketing up is enough, get a wood heating source to maintain a comfortable indoor environment. This will have the added benefit of forcing you to open enough windows to avoid suffocation, which will be a way to create more of a healthy lower transmission outdoor environment.

Christmas gatherings of one or more are not recommended. Try and communicate with family through internet or email. Those without adequate broadband who are forced to communicate via the Postal Service are advised to try and include enough information in each exchange to allow a three day response time to work.

All Christmas presents that are delivered or left on the porch should be quarantined for two weeks before opening. One week and a negative COVID test on any package will be an acceptable alternative, if you are one of those traditionalists that insist on opening them Christmas Day.

When the weather warms on the other side of winter, that and the vaccinations coming will serve to see a sunnier side of all this.

Enjoy your Christmas, such as it us. And don’t argue about these things. Anybody who does is not familiar enough with the facts and the science.