Making New Year resolutions that assure me of success

By N.A. Booko

Pittsboro, NC – Making New Year resolutions is something that I don’t take lightly. I try and never make any that I am sure to break. Breaking a New Year resolution is a sign of failure. So I won’t be a failure, I am making resolutions that assures me of success.

man with fireworks
Photo by Rakicevic Nenad
  1. Not to go water skiing on Jordan Lake before June 2021.
  2. Not to polish my white shoes with lard.
  3. Avoid inferior artificial nail glue.
  4. Pat only backs that are within easy reach.
  5. Don’t wear ear muffs that appear to be large warts.
  6. Don’t inhale gasoline fumes, just to try and determine technical mix.
  7. Don’t pet dogs a second time that took a finger off once before.
  8. Hang a cloth of bathroom mirror, take peeks before really looking.
  9. Mash only those buttons that I know will open doors.
  10. Stroll down no darkened alleyways just for the sake of strolling.
  11. Count my blessings on all twelve fingers.
  12. Stop buying junk that looks like and is really junk.
  13. Recycle all old shoe pads into attractive “thank you” notes.
  14. Speak only words that friends will understand and pay no attention to.
  15. Smile, even though I know those Internet bought braces don’t really fit my teeth.
  16. Have the courage to sing even though all those around me have warned not to.
  17. Take a daily sobriety test, even though I’m not drinking or driving.
  18. Walk like I own the world; even if it is only my sixth trip to the john.
  19. Never ever take ‘no’ for an answer until I hear “hell no.”
  20. Weigh all options; even though there is only one.