By N.A. Booko
Pittsboro, NC – Making New Year resolutions is something that I don’t take lightly. I try and never make any that I am sure to break. Breaking a New Year resolution is a sign of failure. So I won’t be a failure, I am making resolutions that assures me of success.
- Not to go water skiing on Jordan Lake before June 2021.
- Not to polish my white shoes with lard.
- Avoid inferior artificial nail glue.
- Pat only backs that are within easy reach.
- Don’t wear ear muffs that appear to be large warts.
- Don’t inhale gasoline fumes, just to try and determine technical mix.
- Don’t pet dogs a second time that took a finger off once before.
- Hang a cloth of bathroom mirror, take peeks before really looking.
- Mash only those buttons that I know will open doors.
- Stroll down no darkened alleyways just for the sake of strolling.
- Count my blessings on all twelve fingers.
- Stop buying junk that looks like and is really junk.
- Recycle all old shoe pads into attractive “thank you” notes.
- Speak only words that friends will understand and pay no attention to.
- Smile, even though I know those Internet bought braces don’t really fit my teeth.
- Have the courage to sing even though all those around me have warned not to.
- Take a daily sobriety test, even though I’m not drinking or driving.
- Walk like I own the world; even if it is only my sixth trip to the john.
- Never ever take ‘no’ for an answer until I hear “hell no.”
- Weigh all options; even though there is only one.